A blog update for February

Since the month is almost over, I figure it's time for an update.... one with pictures. :)

My birthday was on the 5th. I will be perfectly honest-- I'm not really a gift kind of person. It's not a big deal to me. But I do like surprises! And on this special day, I was pleasantly surprised by a flower delivery. I had no idea who it was from, but was so excited when I read the note and learned it was from my old and very dear friend, Becca. We have been friends since we were 10, and now 15 years later, I'm still grateful for her sweet friendship! It was a great start to my day. 

It was a Thursday, which means that it was a preschool day for Connor. When Evelynn and I went outside to wait for his bus, it was SO sunny outside! I was a little amazed with how overheated I felt. When I looked at the weather, I gave a little scoff. It definitely felt ATLEAST 75 out there, despite the fact that it was only 66. 

We planned to go out to dinner that night, so I got ready. Evelynn came down with a fever shortly before we left and I was totally bummed about it (Connor had one a few days before that) but we decided not to cancel plans since she didn't have any other symptoms of being sick. 

We went to the Cracker Barrel, which was quite yummy! 

 The next day, Caleb came home from work and told Connor they gave him a hat. Connor was SO excited about wearing it and wanted lots of pictures taken. 

 On Saturday we went shopping. Like I mentioned before, I'm not really a present person. Caleb asked me and asked me and asked me what I wanted for my birthday, but I told him I really just wanted to get some maternity clothes. I'm not as skinny-mini as I was with the other pregnancies. With Connor, I only really bought pants. I didn't buy a single maternity shirt because normal shirts worked fine. With Evelynn, I bought couple things towards the end of the pregnancy. This time around, the clothes I had bought from Evelynn were already getting snug. I really thought it would be good to get some bigger stuff so that I would have fitting clothing the remainder of the pregnancy. So, we shopped our little hearts out and hit some great sales. 

 After we got home, I started to feel rather sick. I could feel a cold coming on. I wished really hard to only be imagining it, but alas, it was not the case. 

I got sick for the 3rd time this year. One of the only things that helped me relax over the course of the cold (which lasted nearly a week) was baths. After one evening spent in the bath, I opened the door to see my little girl fast asleep right outside the door. Caleb said she had been waiting for me, but she must have gotten too tired out. Poor girl! What a sweetie she is. 

While I was sick, my kids weren't. They kept me busy. 

We tried a real ponytail in Eva's hair for the first time. It didn't last long at all, but it sure looked cute! 

That Friday I was finally feeling better. I got a txt message from my cousin Holly asking if Evelynn and I wanted to go to the park while all the boys were at school. We took a quick little trip over to the Riverview park (which is a super cool place, if you don't live here and aren't aware). When we got back it was time to wait for brother's bus. Evelynn spent her time chasing the poor kitty that roams around our place. She was so excited and refused to move from where she could see it. 

The next day was Valentine's day. We each picked out some kind of "gift" for that day but didn't really make a big deal out of it.  That evening, Connor decided to wear daddy's hat again. I was thrilled with all the grinning he was doing! Evelynn wanted to copy her big brother and get pictures, too! What I had REALLY wanted for valentine's day was a clean house. I tried hard to get it cleaned up, but the kids trashed it again immediately after it was done. 

 Just a couple days after that, Connor got in A LOT of trouble when he hit his sister in the head with a pizza cutter. I had a very long talk with him after a very long time out about how that's not ok and very, very dangerous. Thankfully she's just fine and the cut wasn't deep enough for stitches. 

That next week we had the big ultrasound for baby. I've written about it on a separate blog post, so don't forget to check there to see pictures! 

That same evening we bought our plane tickets for my little sister's wedding, which will be happening Memorial Day weekend. We decided to hit two birds with one stone and go a little early and see Caleb's sister before she leaves on her mission as well, which means we will be in Idaho for our Munchkin's 4th birthday also. I was super excited about our trip plans being made! 

  On the night of the 19th, Evelynn had been so grumpy and I noticed that her eye was looking really yucky. I instantly prayed it wasn't pink eye... but when she woke up the next morning, I was sure it was. That afternoon I took her down to her doctor and learned that not only did she have pink eye... she also had a double ear infection! I was so bummed. Poor girl. 

The next day, I felt another cold coming on. At first I told myself I had to be imagining it, but then the sore throat and headache hit. I woke up Sunday achey, stuffed up, and miserable. I was sick... AGAIN. That makes just about every other week since the  year started. If you ask me, THAT'S KINDA RIDICULOUS. Needless to say, we spent the weekend home sick. I'm still fighting the cold, with a head so congested that I wish I could just pop it and let the pressure out. 

On the 23rd, Monday, Evelynn decided it was incredibly important to talk to her Grandma on the phone. I kind of lost track of the amount of times we called people. That little girl loves the phone! She called all by herself, using the contact pictures to identify her grandma. 

We also took a picture for Grandma West in exchange of another phone call... Evelynn wasn't thrilled about it, but I told her Grandma would love it, and she did. 

Later that day, my little girl broke out in hives! I have no idea why, and was very sad that it happened. Benedryl helped them go away, but they are still reoccuring. It was all over her body and they keep coming back in differnt places. I guess she really feels sick. :( Her body just isn't happy. 

Yesterday was a day to record because I hit 20 weeks of pregnancy! Half way done. So, despite how extremely sick I felt yesterday, (I couldn't even talk above a whisper, and was coughing my head off all day) I took a picture to document. 

While I was taking my picture, I began to laugh when I turned to see Evelynn walking around INSIDE the potty training seat. I think someone must feel ready for swimming season! I'm sorry it's a blurry picture. I really thought it was clear, but I did say I felt unwell. I guess I was shaking or seeing things. 

 That's all I have to offer for now. Hopefully I will do better with updating from here on out. We learned that the SD card on my phone was broken, which is why I kept losing pictures. Sadly, there are some super cute videos and pictures that are lost for eternity that were on there. I was hopeful they would magically reappear, but Caleb bought me a new SD card and put it in my phone. I guess that means my disappearing picture problem should be solved now!

Don't forget to check out the ultrasound pictures on the previous post!

- Rebecca 

Ultrasound Pictures

I'm sure you all have already heard the news...

But in the chance you haven't,  here it is again.

Baby #3 is a boy!

We had our ultrasound Wednesday, February 18th. 

Baby was 19 wks + 1 day for his big ultrasound. 

I had been convinced we were having a boy since 6 weeks along and I was pretty excited to hear that I was right!

The ultrasound tech told us what we would be looking for, then pulled up this scan and asked us what our verdict was. I said "well, I don't know about you, but I'm thinking boy." Yes, definitely a boy.

Little man wanted to sleep for the first half of the ultrasound. I had to get up walking to convince him to move so she could get face shots and what she needed to see of the heart. Thankfully our little one was very cooperative after our little walk!

I laughed over this first shot.... he liked his hand by his face, which is JUST LIKE his big brother. Except that Connor had both hands covering his face as if to ward off the pictures. 

The ultrasound tech was excited to show us the new 3-D ultrasounds. She said they had just gotten this feature. Caleb was a bit creeped out, but I thought it was pretty darn cool. I was told I have an anterior placenta this pregnancy and baby cuddled right up to it like a pillow. 

Baby also loved showing off his little feet. 

And last, but definitely not least, here's his sweet little profile! 

Caleb and I are taking our time coming up with a name for this little man, but are thrilled it's another boy. Evelynn was very excited about baby brother, since she had been telling me it would be a "bubba", which is her way of saying brother. Connor on the other hand, was a bit stressed out by the news. I don't know if he quite understood. He may not have understood that it's possible for him to have a brother, since up until now he's only had sister. But now he's adapted to the information and loves to pat my tummy and tell baby bubba hi. 

The kids were both rocking green for the ultrasound,.... a nice gender-neutral color!

 I had planned for her to wear a headband for the ultrasound... but she voted no, so pigtails it was. 

And as I'm sure you can see, the only pic I managed to grab of our Connor was super blurry. Definite mommy fail!

And finally, just a quick note to anyone who read my previous blog post and was concerned.

I just wanted to say that I'm just fine. Honestly, my family has adapted and my testimony is well intact. The kids and I are doing great, Caleb is doing fine, our marriage is doing great, and we're all excited about the new addition to our family. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. :)

Much love to you all! 

The Story of Baby #3

Sorry to have to do this to my many blog-reading friends, but this post doesn't have any pictures. I know, I know-- big shocker. I debated on whether or not to share this, but in the end I decided that it needed to be said. Sometimes it's better to open up and tell people what's going on in your life. 

So here it goes.

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I haven’t said much about this pregnancy, and to be perfectly honest, I haven’t said much about it because it has been hard emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Physically it has been the easiest, but I truly think that is because there is an All-knowing Being who understands that I really do have limitations.

I’m a planner. Most people know that about me. I like things to work according to the plans I carefully make. Our timing with Connor wasn’t quite according to plans, but as it was our first pregnancy, we were instantly ecstatic over it. Evelynn – well, she was planned, and of course, we were thrilled with how promptly she stuck to those plans. You may assume baby #3 was planned as well, but let me crash that little illusion for you all right now --I can tell you with 100% honesty that I planned a much larger gap between Evelynn and baby #3 than there will be in July when this baby arrives.

Being a mother can be stressful at times, despite the joy it brings, and I’ve been pretty busy in the last year or so. Juggling school and mommy/wife duties is time-consuming, stressful, and exhausting. I’m sure (well, I guess I should say – I really, really hope) no one blames me for feeling that way. Even if that was all I had on my plate right now, it would probably make sense when I say that I felt strongly that a baby right now would not be ideal. Turns out, that was not the only thing on my plate,-- my stress levels only increased when at the end of October, my husband told me that he no longer believed in our religion, and didn’t want anything to do with it from that point on. As I sat there in heart-break, using my last willpower to hold on to some belief that everything would turn out ok, I really, really, didn’t think a baby anytime soon would be in the plans. Pregnancy makes me tired, stressed, sick, and I definitely don’t have that glow people talk about. I was already dealing with all those things without pregnancy, and a baby was really the last thing I could think of that would be beneficial for me.

If there is one thing I’ve come to understand throughout my life, it’s that my timing is not God’s timing, and He knows better than I, what I can and cannot handle. Baby #3 is just another little reminder of that fact.

With each one of my kids I had an immediate gut feeling that I was pregnant. With Connor, I had no idea why I felt that way and was sure I was crazy; with Evelynn, I was sure it had to be a coincidence; but this third time, well, they do say the third time’s the charm. I recognized it immediately, and boy, did I panic. I’m sure my husband thought I was absolutely insane. I kept insisting that I couldn’t handle a baby right now and was blabbering about how it wasn’t fair. He attempted to reassure me that I was overreacting; for a split second, I let his words calm my frantic heart. But deep down, I knew.

I waited a couple weeks to take a home pregnancy test, but I didn’t inform my husband of when I was planning to do it. During those couple of weeks we joked about how he would accept the blame if I really was pregnant, but I don’t think he actually expected me to follow through with that part. On November 12^th, the 3^rd anniversary of our temple sealing, I decided to take the test. When I looked at the results, I saw the big fat positive I had been expecting. I thought it wouldn’t have been a big deal to me since I had already known I would see the positive result, but I guess it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back; My heart started racing, I was panicked, and I began to pace around the room. I didn’t stop to think of an exciting way to share the news--I just pulled out my phone, dialed Caleb’s cell, and then left him a message yelling about how angry I was at him. And then, -- well, then I sat down and I cried. And I cried, and I cried, and I cried. I begged God to help me understand why I was being called to bear a load that I was sure I could not handle. After all, I was barely hanging on by a thread already. I was adamant that it was too much for me.

As I sat there in tears, I remembered that right before I sensed my pregnant gut-feeling, I had also sensed that Heavenly Father was telling me everything would be ok. At the time, I figured it was referring to my husband’s decision to leave our religion, but as I looked back at it, I realized that might not have been the only thing He was trying to comfort me about. I suddenly realized that although this baby was not on my time table, it was on God’s time table. He knows me and He knows the way to comfort me through my sorrows. Although it seemed strange that Heavenly Father would send me comfort in the form of the one thing I was very, very set on not happening any time soon, I accepted that maybe I needed to readjust my attitude a bit.

I wish I could tell you that I was super excited from that point on, but the truth of the matter is that it took me a while to come around. In the months that have passed since then, the excitement has grown little by little, but I have now reached the phase of joy. I have had to accept that I can’t always have things when I want them and I can’t always control what happens. I have also come to the conclusion that this baby will be a gift to us--one that will heal my aching heart if I let it. In a time where I felt my heart was breaking beyond repair, Heavenly Father sent me a Balm of Gilead in the form of a precious new baby to snuggle. Now all I have to do is wait for it. 

I know that this post may come across as very selfish and self-centered to anyone who has ever had to wait for a baby, or who may be still waiting, aching to hold a child. Who am I to be upset over such a precious gift? Who am I to be angry that I apparently am a fertile myrtle and can get pregnant without even trying? Believe me, I chastised myself many times over it. I know I should view these things as blessings, and that there are so many who would willing take my place. I pleaded with God to help me understand why I, of all people, would get another baby, when there were so many others more deserving at this time. I still don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that I have shed many, many tears for any and all my friends in that situation. I was filled with guilt over announcing this pregnancy because I didn’t want to hurt anyone. However, I have also poured my heart out to my God in hopes that I would be able to change my attitude towards this pregnancy, and to understand why this is the timing I needed. In recent weeks, I have decided that the best way for me to be positive about this pregnancy is to talk about it, rejoice in it, and learn from it. I'm going to be talking more about it from here on out, and I hope with all my heart that it will not hurt those that I care about. Also, I hope that this blog post will help anyone who sensed my negativity about this pregnancy understand why I felt as I did, and allow them to know that I am changing my ways for the better.

Much love to all,

Rebecca

A blog update.

Hello, friends!

Guess who's updating the blog.... finally. That would be me. Thanks to my mother's persistent questioning. 

Once again, my children deleted the first half of January's pictures, so I really procrastinated an update. I figured everyone would enjoy pictures more than just reading a journal-like blog where I complain about frustrations of life. I figured there would be a unanimous agreement to that, therefore there was no blog update until today. 

And now, without further ado, here are some pictures.

We had some beautiful weather here, and then some not so beautiful weather (if you think dreary rain is beautiful, go ahead and disagree with me here). Evelynn broke the zipper on her favorite jacket and I remembered I had bought her this cute little coat.... which she didn't wear a single time all winter. 

What was I thinking?! She loves it. And I think it's quite cute on her! 

 Also in the past month we were sick.... AGAIN. First the kids, then me, then Caleb. 

He stayed home from work and slept it off and then ventured out to the couch where he so kindly played Mario Kart with his children who were so excited to have him home! They didn't seem to understand that dad was home because he wasn't feeling well, which is NOT exciting, but he gave them lots of extra time and attention which they really seemed to love. 

Last week I took my first official baby bump picture! This was at a little over 16 weeks.

It's rare that I change out of pajamas when I'm home doing homework all day with no one except my children and husband to see me. But Thursday Connor had a dentist appointment so I actually got ready enough to feel like I could snap a picture without dying of embarrassment!

And on a side note, if anyone has suggestions for how to help really, REALLY bad sciatica pain, feel free to give them. It's always a problem when I'm pregnant and hit a certain weight, and unfortunately I cant seem to keep the weight off this pregnancy. That means it's hitting hard and early, and it's really starting to interfere with normal life. But on the bright side, the morning sickness is starting to let up! As long as I don't try to put off eating... Or try to eat something that my tummy doesn't want.

On Saturday, the last day of January, I had the chance to go to the Gilbert, AZ temple. The Mesa temple has been closed for cleaning and I badly wanted to go to the temple. My sweet and extremely kind cousin Holly (yes family, I'm talking about dad's cousin. I'm not making up imaginary 1st cousins! Don't worry. ) suggested that we could go together so I didn't have to go alone without Caleb. I was so grateful that she would be willing to go just so that I could have someone to go with.

I decided I needed to document my trip to the temple since we live so close to Mesa that there is really no reason to drive over to Gilbert on a regular basis. I have my doubts that it will happen again any time soon, so pictures were a must! And just so you know, Mom, I took them with your voice in my head saying "Did you take pictures for the blog?!?!" So here you go. I took them! 

 Since the start of February I have been trying to get back into the swing of taking little snapshots of the kids and their funny/ cute things they do. 

 Yesterday before church Evelynn insisted on trying on a new shirt, wearing a crown, and singing and dancing to music. I tried to get a video but she just stared at me, so I figured a picture was better than nothing. This girl loves to sing, she loves to dance (and I'm talking like she twirls in circles, leaps around, and will sporadically stop and point her toes. I have no idea where she learned it but she's done it since she was walking. 

 Yesterday I dressed the kids matchy-matchy for church. I had to get pictures of them looking all cute and sweet. I'm glad I did because they were not NEAR as sweet while they were at church with me..... 

I will now apologize for the fact that there's a million more pictures of Evelynn than there are of Connor. He seems to think if he smiles nice for one picture, he doesn't need to even look at me afterwards. We've come to a silent agreement about it. I take advantage of his one cute grin at me, and then I don't dare complain or attempt to get more. 

Evelynn, on the other hand, is a camera lover. Sometimes I can't help but bust up laughing at her smirks, grins, giggles, and scowls at the camera. 

 And yeah, she's biting her tablet... but it's because it's a stretchy soft cover and she seems to think it's a chew toy. 

And here, well, I tried to break the rules and get more pictures of Connor. And what was his response, you may ask? Well, it was to pretend he couldn't hear me. Over and over and over again. He wouldn't even respond to me. But hey, atleast I tried!  

Evelynn always wants to hear how pretty she is from her daddy... and that's what is going in this next picture: flirting with her daddy. 

Then of course she realizes I'm still taking pictures, and she breaks out the grins! 

Seriously, can't get enough of this kid. She's too much! 

And here in this picture I wanted to show her sweet little curls. 

Her hair is always poofing out everywhere, but we love it. And I'm not really accustomed to taming curls.... I really should learn some more about that. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to remember that my child really does have curls and I'm not just imagining it! (I'll say it again, thanks Grandma Anderson!!! and thanks to this little one's Daddy for passing it down. ) 

Now, I'll tell you why these sweet kids lost their sweetness yesterday. 

I was overly emotional all weekend, but Sunday I woke up and just knew it was going to be one of those days. The kids were so well behaved for the first half of sacrament meeting, but it didn't last as long as I would have liked.  They both got upset at me, refused to use their words, and started SCREAMING. I tried to comfort them, but it only just seemed to aggravate the situation. Quickly there were people turning around and glancing at me, and I couldn't stop the panic. If you know me, you know that having people look at me stresses me out A LOT. I like to blend into a crowd because that is where I am comfortable. 

But anyways, when I realized they weren't going to stop yelling, I told them we were going out. I figured that would help, but I was wrong. VERY WRONG. It made it worse. I was dragging Connor by his arm, carrying Evelynn and the diaper bag, and trying not to let the tears escape down my face. Unfortunately, it didn't work. I felt angry that I had to be at church by myself, and wished I could just pass the kids off to their dad while I ran away to hide. But, unfortunately for me, it's kinda hard to do that when he's not there. Thinking about it made me even more emotional, so I just stood there with people were staring at me, tears dripping down my face, and me begging Connor to stop his screaming and whining and just go out with me. It was kind of one of those moments were you want to hide under a rock and forget that people just witnessed your emotional breakdown.

 My sweet visiting teacher came to my rescue and grabbed Evelynn from me so I could get Connor out. From that point on, I wasn't thinking clearly at all. It is my worse nightmare to have people looking at me, and to be crying in front of people during it just makes it a million times worse. I planned to make a beeline straight to an empty foyer, but to my dismay, I opened the door to a ton of people standing and sitting around. And of course, everyone turns to look whats happening when a door opens, so there were TOO MANY eyes looking straight at the tears streaming down my face. In a panic, I figured I would head to the closest exit and go outside, but half way to the door saw that there were people out there too. I couldn't stop the tears at that point and didn't want to pass a million other people as I ran to the bathroom, so I just stood as close to a corner as I possibly could and wished really, really hard to become invisible. Half of me really just wanted to leave, but thankfully my visiting teacher sat with the kids and me the rest of the time and helped distract them. 

And a sweet sister in the ward came out and hugged me and told me all mom's have those days so I shouldn't feel bad. I definitely appreciated that comment too, but I will admit that I still wished I could erase my little breakdown from everyone's memories or even erase the fact that it actually happened. That would have been ideal-- to just erase that it happened. 

BUT, I can't. So, instead of dwelling on it, I will just move on to the next topic of interest.

 Today, right before this blog update, I went in search of my kids and found them snuggled up on our bed playing with tablets and watching Daniel Tiger. Aren't they the cutest?!

I know that this update to the blog is a very meager offering, but I can assure you that I will do my best to update more often and with better quality! 

Until then, try to enjoy what little I have for you all. Pretty please, and a big thanks.